I haven’t blogged about mental illness in a while. Some of you know that I was raised by a schizophrenic bipolar mother. I don’t share my stories for sympathy but to let others know that you are not alone. .I feel you. I understand. I held back from blogging so much about it because one people say don’t talk about your past and two I notice I still cringe every once in a while when I remember an experience. I don’t know if it’s ever possible to ever heal completely in this system. I had an amazing therapist but I couldn’t keep up with the $140 fee every two weeks. I went to her for 7 months and my thoughts and patterns started to change for the better…but ain’t no body got $140 for therapy when I have bills to pay😆 I want to bring awareness of what verbal abuse can do to someone. Verbal abuse is by far more psychological damaging than physical at least for me it is. When people are mentally ill they are more prone to demon control because they don’t have all their senses. They become a complete different person, monster like at times. From the time I could remember my mother would always tell me that I was too stupid and dumb to manage or handle money. She convinced me that only she could handle money. I started working since I was 10 or younger baby sitting kids…and haven’t stopped woring since. Being a workaholic is a form of PTS…it becomes your escape. The point I’m trying to make that her yelling and screaming that I was too stupid growing up has affected me to not make good choices with money. I’m pretty muched healed I don’t have anger or resentment towards my mother..I haven’t had a vacation in 30 years. I don’t have a pension, no retirement money, nothing…I’ve made so much money in my lifetime but don’t have anything to show for it except my new salon. I would make money and sabotage myself into spending it because I was brainwashed into thinking that I wasn’t worth keeping it and I would spend it. Something happened to me when I turned 50 last month. A light bulb came on!! I thought to myself in 10 years I’ll be 60!! I’m not a spring chicken!! I won’t able to work like a mule, something has to change!!! My friends, clients have been an amazing support system to push me to take vacations to change the way I speak. They catch me slipping and correct me when I start to talk negative and they tell me “Evy you can do it, take vacations”!! They buy me lunch, buy me vitamins, decorate my salon and genuinely care for me. I’m blogging about this here because I made it a point to not talk about my personal life with clients anymore. I’m working very hard at paying attention to what comes out of my mouth when I speak about myself, so far I notice changes❤ I started saving. I haven’t touched a dime from my savings. I’ve been watching youtube videos on marketing and networking by a friend of mine… Kristoffer Thompson..he takes his time to respond and answer my questions. I’m slowly erasing negative thoughts one day at a time. My health has improved since I started drinking alkaline water. ..I lost 4 pounds ❤😉👍❤ …I’m greatful to Jehovah for my friends at the kingdom hall, my doctors, my clients and wordpress. WordPress has become my therapeutic get away spot…It’s unfortunate that I was raised in a very dysfunctional home but it made me who I am today. I love people and SOME people love me😆 …..
As sick as my mother was she was still able to instill some morals in me as a child. Granted I went through a rebellious stage most of my life but I came back to my moral foundation that she taught me…. One day I’m going to blow up big, take vacations get my hair done by one of them expensive Instagram stylist and weigh 125 pounds. I got this, I know I can do it because I said I could ❤😎😉
Did I tell you about the time she jumped on top of the living room table and started jumping up and down screaming..out the top of her lungs? Thank goodness it was good hard wood. She didnt break it. …I’ll tell you that story another time..hehe..